This is a brief explanation of why I was driven to understand what happens after death. On the 23rd February 2009, the day before my sons 18th birthday the horrific news tat my sisters body had been found at the base of a cliff on the other side of the world, in the town I grew up in devastated our entire family. The news came at a time when she was finding herself after many years of battling with mental health issues. It was the last thing we expected to hear, especially as she was so happy, she had met a young man and they cared for each other a great deal, she wanted to lose weight, get fit, go back to college and be reunited with her family after withdrawing from us all some years earlier. Had the news come a year earlier we wouldn’t have been half as shocked but alas, as her mind cleared so did the realization of where she was in her life, what things she had done and said and the journey she had to face to get her life back on track. I think all of those realizations became overwhelming and whilst she was mentally improving with regular medication, her body was suffering, she had gain huge amounts of weight, she was in pain and her liver was damaged, she still had dark days to deal with and had just moved home which is always stressful. It seems everything overwhelmed her and she wanted out. We are still not sure if it was suicide or if it were an accident, but suicide is something we know she had contemplated that day. Either way, it’s history now. She is free of her nightmare and vibrant again. She is as vivacious in spirit as she was in life, she wants to involved in our lives and will go to great lengths to keep communications with us. This is something we are deeply appreciative of, though not everyone would want that. But for us, Zoe has herself helped us heal and through her we have been able to find peace and a connection to the life that awaits all of us beyond this life.

The loss of a loved one is traumatizing for everyone, the loss of a young life even more so and the loss to suicide even more again. In the early months after my sisters passing I never thought I would heal, truly laugh again or be free of pain. The thought of living a long life distressed me, and as the days ticked by and the gap between when she was alive to the current day grew wider so did my fear. I wanted to stop time. I wanted to go back in time, I wanted to fix and change everything, but alas, I realised in the moment that I learnt of her passing, we are all powerless when it comes to the decisions decreed by God.

You ultimately have a few choices, give up or get up! The desire to give up was strong for quite some time. Not just because my sister had passed but because I had placed so much faith in God that she would be healed that I suddenly felt my foundations, all that i had built my life on had been swiped from under me. I didn’t know anything about anything anymore and didn’t want to for quite some time. Heart broken, faith stolen and feeling diminished by life was a sad and dark place to be but I had and have a wonderful husband and four amazing children, I had and still have two very fragile and beautiful parents and a handicapped brother that had already begun to slide into the grips of depression after our sisters death. There really wasn’t a choice, life goes on and for most of us we do find that day, that time when we realize we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves of and start living again.

That’s when I began to look for answers. Zoe was around in so many ways but how? how could we smell her perfu,e, how could we sense her, how did feathers find themselves across our houses, and butterflies kiss us and sit on us, how did she show up in our dreams with messages and very obvious examples of her being around us? This is when the investigating began, something I have been doing ever since and whilst I am not a medium or psychic, i have had many intuitive experiences and examples of life beyond death, somewhere in all of that I found God again, a different God to the one I had known before but one I am much more connected to, one that makes so much more sense. Everything in our physical lives has a reason and a purpose. No experience is by accident. We are here for very different reasons to the ones we have been raised to believe. We are on an amazing journey on this big blue ball, its brief, its a here to experience and learn, we are here to find LOVE in its purest form and through tragedy and my darkest days, i have begun to find that out. I have peace with my sisters life and death because there is no death. I have peace because I am experiencing all the things I wanted and needed to experience and believe it or not, so are you..